Helpful vs hurtful pain

A few years ago, I got a call out of the blue telling me my position was being eliminated.

I was angry because how it went down was so not fair. I was also worried because I had just moved across the state with my family and did not want to have to find a new company to work for.

They say the only way past something is through, but how do you do that when what you are dealing with is really hard? This week you will learn how to do that.

Being mad and frustrated can be a healthy part of the process. You have to grieve and feel bad before you can feel better. But there’s a lot of negative emotion we feel that’s not helpful.

Healing pain helps you grow, focuses on the future and comes from love. Hurtful pain comes from fear and resentment about what happened. Learning to allow the healing pain and minimize the hurtful pain is how you get through it

Tune in this week and learn how to get through difficult situations without coming out if angry and doubting yourself. 

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • What makes a negative emotion helpful and healing
  • What makes a negative emotion hurtful
  • How to deal with difficult situations without feeling more angry and down on yourself.

Mentioned on the show:

  • Get the How to confidently speak up in meetings free online course. In this 10 minute video training, you’re going to learn 3 ways to start speaking up today.
  • Ready to get some free 1:1 help? I offer a limited number of free coaching calls each week. Grab time on my calendar and let’s get you feeling more confident today.

Emotional exhaustion

Feeling tired because you worked hard, stayed on track, got lots of things done, and had fun along the way feels amazing. Feeling tired because you stressed and worried all day and feel like you are still behind is exhausting.

There are two main reasons we feel emotionally exhausted. The first is spending emotion energy wishing things were different. The second reason is we think things will be better when _____ (fill in the blank) changes.   

But this is the reason we feel exhausted is because of how you are thinking about your situation. This is great news because you can choose how to think about it, but listen and learn how to do it.  

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Why you feel emotionally exhausted
  • How wishing things were different is a root cause of emotional exhaustion
  • How thinking things will get better when they are different is an emotionally exhausting trap
  • How to stop feeling so exhausted and move forward

Mentioned on the show:

Feeling nervous around senior leaders

Are you tired of feeling nervous around Senior leaders? You get that logically they have more years of experience and you are not expected to be as good as they are, but emotionally you just can’t get past it?

Good news. You’re human. But even better news, feeling nervous has nothing to do with how senior you or the other people are in the room. It has everything to do with how you are looking at it and what you are making it mean.

But everyone’s just making it up. Some have been doing it for more years than you, but everyone is making it up.

Tune in this week and learn how stop feeling so nervous around senior leaders.  

 

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Why we feel nervous
  • What we make it mean that others have more years of experience than we do
  • Why the number of years you’ve been in your position is not what’s making you feeling nervous
  • How to feel more confident

Mentioned on the show:

  • Get the How to confidently speak up in meetings free online course. In this 10 minute video training, you’re going to learn 3 ways to start speaking up today.
  • Ready to get some free 1:1 help? I offer a limited number of free coaching calls each week. Grab time on my calendar and let’s get you feeling more confident today.

What are “dumb” questions and how to stop asking them

We ask ourselves questions all day long, but don’t even realize it.

  • Why can I get up earlier?
  • Why don’t they help with the laundry?
  • When is this going to be over?
  • Why am I the only one that cares?
  • Why can’t they figure it out?

The problem is, when you ask your brain a question, it hijacks whatever you are doing and focuses on answer it. But answering these types of questions just keeps you stuck and validates why it’s hard and should be different.

If you really want to change something, you need to start asking better questions that give you a better answer and move you forward.

Tune in this week and learn how to start asking better questions and to use the part of your brain that obsesses over answering questions to your advantage.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • What makes a question “dumb.”
  • What happens to your brain when you ask it questions.
  • The 2 biggest problems when asking “dumb” questions.
  • How to start asking better questions to reach your goals and make changes faster

Mentioned on the show:

  • Get the How to confidently speak up in meetings free online course. In this 10 minute video training, you’re going to learn 3 ways to start speaking up today.
  • Ready to get some free 1:1 help? I offer a limited number of free coaching calls each week. Grab time on my calendar and let’s get you feeling more confident today.

How to stop believing negative things about yourself

Have you ever noticed that you can be in a crowed and noisy place, but still hear someone call your name? Of maybe you were shopping for a new car and started to notice how many other people have that car.

There’s a part of your brain, the reticular activation system (RAS), that’s responsible for this. The RAS is a bunch of nerves at your brainstem whose job is to filter out unnecessary information so the important stuff gets through.

But this is the reason we feel stuck sometimes. The more we believe something, the more the RAS is filtering things up to our conscious brain to prove it’s true. If you want to stop proving your negative believes true, you need to start changing your filter.

Tune in this week and learn how to rewire your brain so you are proving better thoughts about yourself true. It’s easier than you think. 

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • Why our brain filter things and why that’s a good thing.
  • Why you keep believing negative things about yourself and feeling stuck
  • How to better understand what your filters are
  • How to stop believing all those negative things about yourself

Mentioned on the show:

  • Get the How to confidently speak up in meetings free online course. In this 10 minute video training, you’re going to learn 3 ways to start speaking up today.
  • Ready to get some free 1:1 help? I offer a limited number of free coaching calls each week. Grab time on my calendar and let’s get you feeling more confident today.

Why “I just want to be happy” is a lie

When you think about “just wanting to be happy,” how does that make you feeling? I’m guessing horrible. Which is why it’s the worst thing we tell ourselves. It does not motivate you go to do the hard things and life a full life. It just makes you feel stuck and like a victim.

 

In this week’s episode, you are going to learn why you don’t actually want to feel better and why that’s good news. Only psychopaths never feel bad, but learning to be okay with the hard parts does not mean you are giving up. It means you are doing it right. Listen to learn why.

 

Link to things referenced in this episode:

 

Who’s your mentor? Let me be your mentor and coach. I have just a few free calls left. Grab some time on my calendar <http://lindsaybuchancoaching.com/call> and let’s come up with a plan to get you feeling more confident today.

Knowing what you want out of your career

A good strategy clearly articulates what the end goal is with a few ideas on how to get there. If you are clear on what you are trying to accomplish, it’s easier to pivot and change along the way to figure out how to reach the goal as you learn along the way.

 

It’s the same with what we want out of our careers, but when we don’t know how, we tend to think it’s not possible. But what if that was all wrong? What if knowing what you wanted helped you make decisions and increased your chances of reaching your goal.

 

In this week’s episode, you are going to learn how to get clear on what you want out of your career and what to do when you brain shuts it down because it does not know how that’s even possible.

 

Who’s your mentor? Let me be your mentor and coach. I have just a few free calls left. Grab some time on my calendar <http://lindsaybuchancoaching.com/call> and let’s come up with a plan to get you feeling more confident today.

How to immediately stop feeling overwhelmed

Think back to the last time you felt overwhelmed. Most likely you were worried because there was too much to do and  you were not sure where to even start. But when you feel overwhelmed, it literally keeps you from doing anything and creates more overwhelm.

 

I bet you’ve tried to power through and work your way through it, but overwhelm feels like a dark heavy cloud that’s always there. You can only push it away for so long until it really starts to get the better of you.

 

In this weeks’ episode, learn how to stop feeling overwhelmed and how to start moving forward.

 

Who’s your mentor? Let me be your mentor and coach. I have just a few free calls left. Grab some time on my calendar <http://lindsaybuchancoaching.com/call> and let’s come up with a plan to get you feeling more confident today.

How to commit when you disagree

Disagreeing is easy and something we do all day every day. Don’t commit just to let leadership have any easy excuse to get their way, but commit to keep moving forward quickly. Delivering on the project and failing fast gets you to your goal so much quicker than spending time making sure everyone agrees. There are so many variables to your projects that we’re never going to be 100% aligned.

 

Learning how to commit when you really don’t agree is easier said than done. But when you do, you can still enjoy your work, help deliver on the project, feel like you are adding value along the way.

 

In this week’s episode, you will learn how to commit not just at work, but when it comes to your career as well.

 

Items referenced in episode:

2016 Amazon shareholder letter – https://blog.aboutamazon.com/company-news/2016-letter-to-shareholders

 

Who’s your mentor? Let me be your mentor and coach. I have just a few free calls left. Grab some time on my calendar <http://lindsaybuchancoaching.com/call> and let’s come up with a plan to get you feeling more confident today.

Overcoming impostor syndrome

Feeling like an impostor happens to almost everyone during their career. In fact, 70% of people admit they feel. Not knowing how to do something is not the problem. The problem comes from what you make it mean. If you’re worried you can’t figure it out, you spend a lot of time worrying others will find out to.

 

In this week’s episode, learn my secret to overcoming impostor syndrome. It’s not something that requires you to drag yourself through it. It’s so much better than that.

 

Information referenced in the episode:

  • 70% of people feel like an impostor – Ravindran, Sandeep (Nov 15, 2016). “Feeling Like A Fraud: The Impostor Phenomenon in Science Writing” The Open Notebook.
  • Book – Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D.

 

Who’s your mentor? Let me be your mentor and coach. I have just a few free calls left. Grab some time on my calendar <http://lindsaybuchancoaching.com/call> and let’s come up with a plan to get you feeling more confident today.