The secret to letting people judge you

One of the key elements to being confident is learning to let other people judge you because no matter what, they will.

What other people think about you is none of your business.

Some of my clients push back on this because they think it sounds aloof and arrogant, but that’s not what I’m saying.

It’s kind of like going paintballing. If you get hit in the leg it hurts. You will probably get a bruise and if you get hit enough times, you might need to sit out for a bit. But if you get hit in the chest where you have protective gear on, you notice the impact and feel it, but keep going. You make sure you aren’t hurt and go back to playing the game.

It is the same with people’s judgements of you. If you are not confident and lack the gear to have your own back, it’s going to hurt. What they think about you is going to impact you. You are going to take it all in and use it as evidence to believe your already crappy thoughts about yourself. If the judgment gets back enough, you might even bow out and stop trying.

But if you are confident and know how to trust yourself, they are still going to judge you. You’ll notice it, but it won’t leave a lasting bruise and stop you from moving forward. You get to decide if you want to take that judgement and learn something from it or leave it by the wayside because it’s not true. When you know how to trust yourself, you are all in the game, but fully prepared to keep moving forward no matter what others think.

What would you have done differently today if you were truly confident? What would you have said no to? What would you have said yes to? What would be different if you really knew how to trust yourself?

Learning how to let people judge you is one of the most liberating skills you can learn. If you want help figuring out how to do this with your specific situation, grab time on my calendar and let’s figure it out.

You got this.

How to handle an unfair situation at work

This past week I was talking with a colleague and she told me about her promotion that’s being held up until the product launches.  She’s not able to control when it launches and was so frustrated. She followed the process and has been performing at the next level, but they’re still making her wait. It’s so not fair. 

One time  I joined a team to work with certain leaders and literally 4 weeks after joining, our team was reorged and all the leadership left. I felt like I made a bad choice and was getting screwed over. It was not fair. 

One of my clients told me about a manager that kept canceling and no showing their 1:1’s and then started giving them negative feedback about not prioritizing 1:1’s with them. How is it fair to expect an employee to chase down a manager that keeps canceling and no showing on meetings?

There’s a lot of things that go down that aren’t fair.

But you can’t control what other people say or do. You can’t force your promotion through or stop teams from reorging or make people show up to meetings. It’s rude, frustrating, and not fair, but it’s how it goes. 

So now what?

Now you get to decide what you want to do about it.

This is when you get to advocate for yourself and wait it out or decide to move on and find something else. There’s no right or wrong answer, but the key is to fully own your decision.

Don’t rotate teams out of spite or tell yourself you had no other choice. But also don’t tell yourself you were stuck and had no other options. You always have a choice.

You might not love it, but you get to choose. You choose to come to work every day. You choose to work while you are there. You choose to deliver on your projects. You choose to have integrity in your work. No one is making you do anything so you have to stop telling yourself you have no other choice.

Stay and know you are choosing to stay because you are worth it. Or leave and know you are choosing to leave because you are worth it. Either way, own your choice.

It won’t ever be fair, but owning your choice feels so much better than living from helplessness because that’s not fair to you.

If you feel like you are stuck in a position that’s not fair and want some help figuring out what to do, let’s chat. Grab time on my calendar and let’s figure it out together.

You got this.