The cause of unnecessary frustration

Thinking things SHOULD be different is the reason we have so many unnecessary problems. It looks like: 

  • I should not have eaten so much. 
  • He should be helping around the house more.
  • This meeting should have a clearer purpose.
  • My manager should not keep rescheduling my 1:1’s.
  • I should have been promoted.

We think so many things should be different. We spend so much time trying to change things, but thinking something that already happened should be different is a battle you can never win. You can’t change the past. Obsessing over how it’s not fair and should be different is a waste of time.  It just makes you more annoyed and frustrated. 

This is why you don’t actually feel better after complaining about work with coworkers or friends. This is why don’t come up with great solutions to your problems after telling your manager all the reasons why something should be different. Do you leave those encounters feeling motivated, excited, and hopeful that things will change? Nope.  

You are probably right that many of the things should be different, but trying to prove your point, just proves why it’s wrong. It does not solve the problem. 

If you really want to solve the problem, stop obsessing over why it’s such a problem, and start focusing on what you want to do now. It might look like:

  • Stop judging yourself for eating too much, and start going on a walk.
  • Stop yelling at him in your head and start asking him to do the dishes.
  • Stop doing other work and start asking what success looks like in the meeting.
  • Stop waiting for your manager and start asking other leaders for feedback.
  • Stop whining and start exceeding expectations in your job.

Things don’t go as planned. You don’t always get what you want. Priorities change. Managers change. There are things we can’t control. 

You can keep obsessing over it or start obsessing over what you want to do next. 

You got this.

5 Reasons You Should NOT Hire a Coach

When people find out I’m a life coach, most of them say something witty about needing to hire me because their life is a mess. We then both laugh and move on.

But the truth is, I honestly think most people should have a coach. I still do and always will, but how do you know if hiring a coach is right for you?

It’s a personal decision, but here are 5 reasons you should NOT hire one.

  1. You want someone to tell you exactly what to do – Coaching is not a step by step playbook that you follow and things magically workout. You are the only one who will ever know exactly what is the right thing for you to do. A good coach teaches you how to figure out what’s right for you. They teach you to make decisions and feel confident that you made the right decision. They don’t have a secret handbook to life, but can teach you how to start feeling better to create the life you want.
  2. You believe your life is good enough – If you are happy with the way things are going, keep doing it. If you like your job, feel confident about yourself, have healthy relationships, and feel proud with how you spend your time, don’t hire a coach. If you feel valued at work, like yourself, have work/life balance, and don’t feel stressed and anxious about life, you are good. Keep doing what’s working for you.
  3. You hate change – If you want to keep doing the same thing and getting the same results, don’t hire a coach. If you don’t want to change how you feel or how much self-confidence you have, don’t hire a coach. If you never get the Sunday night blues thinking about the work week ahead, confidently make decisions quickly, and feel on top of your to do list, you don’t need a coach.
  4. You don’t want to pay – If you think knowing how to feel better, not feeling so much stress and anxiety, and how to be confident are not important, don’t invest your money with a coach. If the money you spend on vacations, shopping, and spa treatments are solving the root cause of your anxiety, keep doing those things and save your money. If you like taking your time figuring out how to be confident to reach your goals, keep reading all the books and listening to the free podcasts.
  5. You don’t want to be more confident – If you never second guess your decisions, always speak up in meetings, own your career, feel like a leader, and are comfortable failing, you should not hire a coach. If you never worry about people judging you, feel 100% valuable, and know how to keep growing and learning, you don’t need a coach.

Moral of the story, if you are happy and feel like you are living the life you want, keep going.

But, if you want help learning how to stop living at the effect of things you can’t control like your job and what other people think about you, you might want to consider hiring a coach. Having someone teach you actual ways to be confident, get more done, and not worry what people say about you is the fastest way to start loving life again.

What would your life would look like if you were willing to fail? If you were willing to ask for that promotion? If you were willing to start that side gig you’ve been thinking about? If you made decisions  and felt good about them? If you did not dread coming into work? If you felt proud and excited about your life?

If you had a way that guaranteed you would get all of this, why would you not do it?

Find a coach that’s right for you and offers guaranteed results.

You deserve it.

If you’re interested in hiring a coach, I offer a limited number of free online coaching sessions. Sign up HERE.

How to confidently speak up in meetings

Lately I’ve had so many people reach out for coaching because they are tired of not being confident enough to speak up in meetings. They have things to say, but worry about it coming off wrong or looking like an idiot so they keep it to themselves.

We want to have a voice at the table and are expected to speak up, but what do you do when you just can’t bring yourself to say something?

Think about the last time this happened to you. What were you telling yourself? What were you thinking about? Why were you worried about saying something?

Most likely you were so worried about yourself that you did not speak up, the conversation moved on, and the moment was gone. You are not alone my friend.

We often doubt ourselves because we want to make sure we put our best foot forward. We want others to know how insightful we are and how we get the bigger picture. We want our comment eloquently flow and seem effortless like it was no big deal.

But the truth is we sometimes say dumb things. We often fumble over our words and forget what our point was. We might be wrong or totally miss a key point.

But guess what, that’s okay. The only way to get better at speaking up in meetings is by actually speaking up in meetings. You have to practice it. You have to be willing to suck at it, learn from it, and keep trying. 

There are toastmaster courses and other ways to practice, but if you want to have a voice at the table, start using the one you have right now. Practice using it. Practice learning from it. Notice what you do well and what you want to keep figuring out. 

The worst thing that could happen is you feel like an idiot for saying the wrong thing. But what’s worse? Speaking up, feeling like an idiot and learning from it? Or not speaking up, feeling like an idiot and continuing to not change? Either way you have to be willing to feel like an idiot, but one way actually services you.

They say the only way out is through, and unfortunately, it’s not just a cheesy saying, but also very true. 

Make that comment. Feel all the terrible emotions. Learn from them. And keep doing it over and over and I promise you it will feel less terrible each time you do. 

You got this!