Do you ever find yourself saying, “I just want to feel valued?” Do you get frustrated that feedback and project discussions focus on what needs to change, what’s missing, or how we can do it better next time?
You are not alone my friend. So many of my clients come to me frustrated because they knew they were the top performer at their previous gig, and now they don’t know where they stand. They’re so stressed and full of anxiety that they are starting to question their skills and abilities. They were top of their class or promoted multiple times and given tons of praise at their previous job. Now they work with all top performers and are suddenly questioning themselves and their value.
The truth is, at work we don’t spend a lot of time praising ourselves and focusing on all our accomplishments. We focus on the customer and how we can continue to make it a better experience for them.
For example, almost every team I’ve been on at Amazon has tried to start the WBR with the week’s top wins and slowly over time that slide mysteriously disappears because no one submits anything and we spend the entire meeting focused on what needs to change.
If the only way you know how to feel valued is based on external validation, you’re going to constantly be chasing it. I’m not saying we should not spend time focusing on our wins, but learning how to feel value regardless of what your manager does or does not say is so important to learn. Knowing how to be confident regardless of things outside of your control is the fuel to having an amazing career.
So, how do you feel valued when all we focus on is what’s not working? Start by asking yourself the following questions the next time you are questioning your worth:
- What was the hardest part about this?
- How did I overcome it?
- What results did I deliver?
- What am I most proud of?
Answering these questions for yourself is how you feel valued. When you think about all you’ve accomplished, how much you had to figure out, and what you did, you will be proud of yourself. Even if you manager or coworkers don’t see it, you get to feel valued. Value is a feeling and every feeling you have comes from your thinking. This is the best news ever because you get to choose what to think about regardless of the external validation that is or is not there.
So, the next time you are questioning your value and wondering how to know if you are doing a good job or not, honestly answer the questions above and know feeling valued is entirely up to you. You get to think whatever you want so find a thought you believe that makes you feel valued and practice thinking that every time self-doubt tries to creep in.
If you want help applying this to your specific situation, let’s jump on the phone and figure it out together. Sign up for free coaching HERE.