Why you feel the way you do

Most of us think we feel a certain way because of the situation we are in or because of other people.

Maybe you’re stuck in traffic and you are stressed because you’re going to be late.

Or your manager changes and you’re annoyed because now your promotion might get pushed back again.

What about your frustration with the lack of work life balance because of where you work?

The truth is, the reason you feel stressed, annoyed, or frustrated is actually because of your thoughts. It’s true and the CTFA model explains is so clearly.

Circumstances (C) are neutral facts that everyone would agree with. We have thoughts (T) about each circumstance and that’s what creates our feelings (F). If our feelings came from our circumstances, everyone would feel the same way.

For example, Donald Trump is the President of the United States. It’s not good or bad. It’s just a neutral fact. Some people feel excited and hopefully when they think about this and others feel worried and angry. Same circumstance, totally different feelings.

The only reason we feel anything is because of thoughts we think AND THIS IS THE BEST NEWS EVER because it means you are in control of how you feel no matter who your manager is, how much traffic there is, or where you work.

If you are feeling stuck and like you are out of options, let’s jump on the phone for free coaching and get you back in control of your life. Sign up here.

Sunday night blues

I noticed I started going to bed late on Sunday nights thinking that might make it better. Like maybe if I don’t sleep, Monday won’t happen but inevitably Monday’s always come.

I tried all sort of things to stop hating Sunday nights like forcing myself to not think about work, refusing to review my weekly calendar, and trying to make Sunday nights extra fun with dessert, friends, or favorite TV shows, but nothing really worked.

Then one day I overheard someone talk about how they loved Monday’s. I judged them, wondered what drugs they were taking, and put them on my crazy list.

But I became curious how this was even a thing. In my brain, not dreading Mondays was not an option.

What would it be like to love Mondays or even just not hate them? How would that work? What would be different?

What if I never got the Sunday night blues again?

I decided to start managing my mind and choosing to think certain ways about Monday on purpose. I checked my weekly calendar on Sunday and thought about how productive my week was going to be. I thought how Monday’s are a fresh start. I decided to love Sunday nights because I could look back at the fun I had all weekend.

And guess what, it totally worked.

I still get the Sunday night blues every now and again, but only when I’m not actively choosing thoughts that serve me better.

Give it a try and let’s connect if you are having a hard time finding a thought that works. Sign up for a coaching call here.

How to make decisions

Have you ever thought about how to actually make decisions?

There’s all sorts of advice and tips available about making decisions, but when it comes down to it the way you decide is you just make a decision and move forward.

Say for example you are trying to decide if you should get a new job or not. You might list pros and cons and explore your options but when the time comes, you just decide and move on.

Often, we struggle to make decisions because we are worried about making the wrong decision, but I like to think about decisions in terms of one-way doors.

A one-way door is a decision that cannot be changed and very few decisions are actually one-way doors.

Get a new job and hate it, find another new job.

Stay at your job and not grow the way you wanted, change teams.

Buy a house and regret it, sell it and live someplace else.

We spend so much time thinking about what decision to make when we would be better off just actually deciding and taking action than continuing to think about it. The action part will give us so much better info around our decision than any pros or cons list.

Start practicing with small things. Next time you go out to eat, decide what you want to order before the waiter comes for your drink order and notice how much more time you have to enjoy the company you are with. Or when you turn on Netflix, watch the first thing that looks good and notice how much better the night is actually watching a show and not making sure you pick the right thing.

If you struggle with making decisions, sign up for free coaching here and let’s get you in control of your life.

How do you start your day?

I like to do what I call a little “morning admin” in the morning when I first get to work. I take a look at my calendar, quickly scan my email for any pressing issues and then feel so overwhelmed with everything I need to do so I decide to catch up on social media and the news before I get started. I might get a Diet Coke, (Don’t judge. You like your coffee hot but I like mine cold.) clean off my desk and quickly text 10 different friends about random tidbits they don’t really care about. It’s all just a little personal admin to get the day started.

But let’s be honest, really I do this to put off starting the day and trying to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Because you know what helps when you feel overwhelmed about having too much to do? WASTING TIME DOING NOTHING ON MY TO DO LIST.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with checking social media or drinking Diet Coke before 9:00am because I grew 2 humans in my body at one time doing this so it’s totally works! But why do I think wasting time is the best answer to overwhelm?

The answer is science. Your brain is wired to always try to feel good and overwhelm feels a lot less good than Instagram and Diet Coke.

You literally get a dopamine hit from these things so of course you are going to put off starting your day.

But what really is overwhelm? Overwhelm is a feeling, a vibration in your body, and it can’t actually harm you. It’s maybe not the best feeling you could have, but it’s just s feeling.

Imagine what your day would be like if you were willing to just feel overwhelmed and still get right to work.

So often we spend way more time trying to avoid our feelings than just actually feeling them and then moving on.

So tomorrow when you sit down and feel overwhelmed, get out of your head and into your body and really feel it. Take five minutes and try to describe what it feels like as if you were telling an alien that has no concept of emotions. The more descriptive the better.

The feeling will eventually pass and your will feel something else, but for science’s sake, just try actually feeling overwhelmed for a bit and let me know how it goes.

If you are struggling to feel your emotions, sign up for a free mini session with me and let’s get you feeling all your feelings. Sign up here.

It’s mind blowing what you can accomplish when you are willing to feel negative emotions.

How to work with coworkers when you are ranked against them

This summer has been a million degrees almost every day so there are a ton of motorcyclists on the road. Recently I noticed when they pass other motorcyclists, they stick one arm down and give each other a peace sign. Once I noticed this, I started seeing it all the time and secretly wish I was in the peace sign club. (Let’s be honest, the only peace sign club I’m getting into is the “I need a nap and am on day 3 of dry shampoo” club, but whatever.)

I looked it up (thanks Google) and learned it means keep the wheels on the ground, ride safe, and enjoy the day. It’s a friendly acknowledgement and little good will.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this as it relates to work.

As part of my yearly review, I’m ranked against all the other employees on my team that are at my same level. Everyone knows this, yet everyone also knows that in order to be successful at your job you have to work together as a team. I’ve watched people throw coworkers under the bus to look like the better employee, but I’ve also seen employees support their coworkers and focus on the project and doing good work.

If we are all part of the ranking process, how is it that some people don’t worry about it and focus on doing a good job while others spend so much time managing up so leadership thinks they are better than others?

It all boils down to our thoughts.

Some people might think not being at the top is the worst thing that could happen and they might get fired so they work from fear and do things that are not always true to who they really are as a person. Other people might think it does not really matter because results speak for themselves and feel motivated and really own and deliver on their projects.

Either way, thoughts are optional. Some are easier to think than others, but you really can choose what thoughts to think.

Image how cool it would be if we were all part of the peace sign club at work and every time we passed a coworker, we gave them a peace sign meaning stand strong, you’re amazing, enjoy the day. I guarantee if you thought about your coworkers this way, it would totally change everything.

You don’t have to actually give them a peace sign if you don’t want but starting right now, every time you pass a coworker in the hall, look them in the eyes and think “stand strong, you’re amazing, enjoy the day” and leave a comment telling me how it goes. I promise you WON’T regret it.

Give it a try. Seriously! Want help applying this to your specific situation? Sign up for free coaching here.

How I’ve lasted 6 times longer than the average Amazon employee

 

Mornings use to be the worst! I would hit the snooze button a dozen times and negotiate every possible way to keep sleeping and put off going into work. I dreaded my job and it took a daily self-pep talk to force myself into the office. I can’t count how many days I would drive into the parking garage and sit in my car for a good 20-30 minutes before finally building up the strength to go in.

I was so stressed and overwhelmed because I felt like there was nothing that could help. That was just “the culture” and my employer is known to have an intense environment. I wanted out, but did not have the time or emotional energy to even think about updating my resume or looking for a new job.
Fast forward a few years and my mornings are pretty much the opposite. Okay, let’s be honest. I still snooze a few times, but I don’t dread my job and can walk into work every morning ready for the day. Not only am I’m still at the same company, but I have lasted 6 times longer than the average employee.

What changed?

I learned how to use and apply a simple and game changing tool called The Model.

This model was developed by Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School and intellectually seems so simply, but was mind blowing when I actually put it into practice.

The ModelC – Circumstance
T – Thoughts
F – Feelings
A – Actions
R – Results

Circumstances are neutral facts that everyone would agree with. Thoughts are sentences in our brains we think about our circumstances. Our thoughts create our feelings which drive our actions, and based upon what we do or don’t do, we get a result. Simple as that.

By applying this model to every aspect of my job, I went from anxiety and stress and overwhelm, to confidence and peace and even fun at times.

If you’re ready to be done with stress and anxiety, let’s jump on the phone for a free coaching mini session and get you where you want to be. I only offer a handful of free sessions so it’s first come first serve. Sign up here.